My body isn't letting me rest. Wait... let me rephrase that my body won't rest on my mattress because it isn't comfortable so I feel like I'm constantly sleepwalking. It hurts. It's hard to even sit on much less sleep and I've gotten to the point where I am apparently lashing out at myself in my sleep. I have scratches and bruises everywhere and they seem to multiply during the night.
I spend so little time sleeping I've decided to go out and focus on the future- halloween.
Kate and I decided on our two costumes for this years Halloween Party at Disneyland the first ones being very difficult that the second just being fun but still having it be original and 'homemade.' It looks like I'm going to be in some serious sewing in the next couple of months.
The thing about Trick or Treating we have learned is that the shorter the better. Because of a. you get more candy and less apple slices (and two handfuls more then usual when near a young guy) and b. it is difficult to get on the rides if you wear something huge like a gown. So this year we will be Anna & Elsa as well as Rose & Lissa. Both of them either sisters or like sisters and willing to do anything for one another.
I think it fits perfectly. We will never get the screaming or cheering of "CHERRIOS" as we did that one year but I think costume-wise this will be the best year yet. Now I just need to make them.
But until then I'm just tiered, feverish and angry over how no one would listen about how awful my room as has been for years and it's only now coming to a head. I'm having trouble controlling my temper and for once I don't feel the guilty about it later on because I'm just over it all.
I wish we could move. Being in this neighborhood gives me anxiety, when I see certain neighbors I wanted to go and make some aggressive comments and I know I will never feel bad about it. I hate my room, after spending so many years sitting here sick the view just gives me anxiety and no matter how much you repaint or decorate doesn't change how many bad memories you have.
Now I'm going to go clean out my closet of all the clothes I don't want to wear or have lost too much weight to pull off anymore. Sigh. For once I wish I didn't shop as much as I do. I pretty much just wear my 'fuck off life' outfits now a days which is like 1% of my wardrobe.
Tiered, Exhausted & Angry- Jessica
